Expectations: Enemies or Allies

Should we stop having expectations? Are expectations negative? Should I give people excuses if they don’t meet my expectations? How do I control my expectations to protect my sanity?

Lately, these questions have been surrounding my vision, intercepting my thoughts, as I notice the expectations people set for each other, as well as the stereotypes they glue others to… Human nature urges us to have expectations. Although, sometimes they don’t occur which leads to immense disappointment and darkness within the four chambers of one’s heart. When getting to know a person, we naturally tend to note their patterns this creates expectations and, when we know the depths of this person’s soul, we can expect the smallest things and the major reactions. Like, how they’re going to respond to happy news or how they will act when I receive bad news. Sometimes expectations tend to build relationships; in this generation everything is unexpected so this creates a base of an unhealthy dynamic.

Stereotypes could also form due to expectations… Telling someone they’re not good enough continuously, because you expect that from them, will eventually lead to this becoming true and being engrained within their psyche - even if they had the potential to grow. They start to genuinely view themselves as a shadow between highlighted figures who shine in every environment. Figures who - in reality - are projecting their insecurities. Similarly, when you convince a person they will be successful because their parents are, they might become successful, but will be haunted by your expectations. They will be haunted by the fear of failure.

When we realise this fact, it’s easy to notice that the first example creates a clearly weak person. The second creates a secretly weak person, who is held back by the legacy that’s expected of them… Neither are healthy. They eat you alive, starting with your soul and finishing with your mind to make it a slow and torturous end. An end that will still keep you alive but mentally drained, like no blood is being pumped from your heart. Your beating organ can be felt, even heard but it’s empty…

On the other hand, there are basic expectations which we must have. These expectations are created at a young age by a child growing up studying the personalities of those around them. A person develops, aware of how their parents will react to certain things but they also learn that they shouldn’t expect the same reactions from others. Personally, I split every relationship into its own category of expectations, being fully aware that, if they don’t occur, I am prepared to be the airbag my emotions need. I know friend 1 will be there for me during grief and I know friend 2 can’t because they don’t know the right words to express their thoughts. I excuse friend 2 because that’s how they are, no one will ever be a complete set. If they were, we wouldn’t need multiple people in our lives. In fact, we may only require our own company. That isn’t reality though, thankfully. Life is meant to have ups and downs, expectations do not help that, they morph into self-made obstacles.

There are needs we do expect and are only for those we know most, if those expectations don’t happen, you should feel obliged to excuse your loved one until being brought into the full picture. When this happens, we are compelled to communicate with loved ones. Communication creates awareness between both entities and could even eliminate toxic standards. Nevertheless, this does not give us a reason to build our connections on expectations. They should be there but the list has to be a bit faded in order for us not to allow others to have the remote control of our feelings.

Expectations not only hold individuals back, they could end attachments. When external characters create pressure between two people who are in a relationship, it leads to suffocation. It forces the rope that’s linking them to slowly rip, the strands hating each other all of a sudden. Each side of the rope holding onto a person who has absolutely no clue how their relationship ended. The pressure from external expectations squeezes the hearts of those bonded, demanding them to run away and hide from, not only these unwanted standards, but each other…

Should we stop having expectations? Adapt them to each soul you love, avoid the unrealistic ones. Are expectations negative? When we base our dynamics around them, yes. When we base our goals on external expectations and not our own, yes. Granted our expectations are usually based on ones we heard growing up which need to be filtered and identified as our own or intruders in our mind. Should I give people excuses if they don’t meet my expectations? Yes! That’s how you protect your sanity. How do I control my expectations? Communicate them to those around you, make sure they are truly yours.

Do not let expectations control you, they limit you, they limit your horizons, possible accomplishments and life. Be within your mind by rethinking the expectations you have with yourself, before you do the same with others…