I Wish

I wish I could stare at your picture until it brought you back to life.

I wish you existed in my life, not just my mind.

I imagine my life with you, how you would've been giving me driving lessons at this point, dropping me off at university and fighting for the spot of the favorite family member...

I never met you but I feel like I did.

In my heart, you are very much alive.

In my mind, we have conversations everyday.

In my soul, I know you would've been proud of me.

Starting something new has always been hard for me and I never knew why. Maybe it's because I wish you were here to experience it with me. Maybe I wish you were my second home, the second person I call to tell the good news. However, there's no way of knowing if you know I exist. I see people I've lost in the souls I meet... Except you...

I can never see you in others. My brain refuses to comprehend that there is any person like you, so I do not search for you in others. Instead, I search for you within myself. I ask "What would ____ do? What would ____ feel? Would _____ be proud of me?" I wish you could answer me.

Maybe some day we'll meet. After this life is over. Until then, I'll resort to the version of you in my mind. The part of my brain that replays memories of you, which I did not live.